Voldemort's Demented Captive's
by RemusLupinAddict
Summary: This is a story about two girls who are kidnapped by voldemort and the humorus escape. Mostly harry potter references, extremly funny, read and review, Humor


Disclaimer: I own nothing and that's really sad when you're either thought of as a cross between a genius and an insane person, rather I think I'm entirely something else, maybe I even compare to my eerily similar counter part who this story was written for (my freakily similar cousin who could be my twin personality.), but on with the disclaimer; Again I own nothing not even my rational mind considering I don't think I have one, I think…

Okay on with the story….

_Voldemort's Demented Captive's _

Jamie and me where walking down an abandoned countryside dirt road in London. We walked until we reached an abandoned village that looked as if it had just been blown to pieces; curiously we walked around trying to see if we could figure out what was going on. It was so quiet that it was spooky.

"What do you think happened?" I asked

"Oh, I don't know," said Jamie sarcastically "maybe it was, oh I don't know, ATTACKED!"

"Or" I said dramatically "it could have been attacked by rabid clouds…"

"Clouds" she said.

"yes, I have a conspiracy theory that the government is weeding out the population by having sadistic clouds reach down and eat people out of the sky when no one is looking then they laugh all high pitched and evil like, till someone comes along then they act perfectly normal. Plus it was proven when all the Ronald McDonalds went missing." I said.

"Yeah, …sure…" said Jamie

"I'm serious!" I say

"No, he's Sirius." Jamie said

"That's not funny, ….. okay maybe it is, but that's not the point." I reply.

"so what are we going to do?" she asked

"I don't know, why don't we talk about how when we get back to our hotel how I'm going to beat you with a marshmallow." I replied.

"Beat me with a marshmallow. Is that fatal?" she asked

"I can make it fatal…just let me put it on the tip of my sledgehammer." I said slyly.

Jamie whacked me up side the head. "hey!" I yelled

She just stared at me like I was from another planet, okay maybe I am, but if that's true then she was to. She was still staring at me…

"Stop staring at me, you know I have ophthalmophobia!"

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I'm afraid of being stared at." I told her

"You're weird." She said

"Well at least I don't have allodoxaphobia (fear of opinions)."

"Hey!" she said now.

"haha" I laughed .

But at that very moment I felt something go over my head and total darkness surrounded me. I tried to get away, but I couldn't. Jamie and I were both shouting at the top of our lung, so I knew that she had been captured to, but by whom, my mind immediately jumped to Death eaters. We were in London so it made perfect sense.

They started making us walk forward, which is hard enough when you trust someone, let alone someone who is kidnapping you.

They threw us into some kind of damp and cold cell. It was so dark that I couldn't see anything even after they'd taken off the blindfolds.

"Where do you think we are?" I asked Jamie

"If I knew don't you think I would have told you." She said

"Probably not, just so you could watch me suffer." I grunted.

"You're such a broom head!"

"Well, at least I admit to it!"

"I think we've been captured by death eater's" I say.

"You say…. I wonder were you got that idea, I mean considering we spend all of our time locked up in damp, cold, musty cellars, wondering were in the name of holy mother of Merlin we are; I guess the fact that you ate those mushroom and now your having hallucinations that your hearing music tipped you off to the fact that this isn't normal, even by your standards." Jamie replied.

"No, I just decided the worse case scenario that could happen, considering the mercury is in retrograde." I reply.

"Do you use that excuse for everything bad that happens to you?"

"No, just the other day I blamed you for not helping me and my evil minion take over the world."

"And who is this evil minion?" she asked

"Christian or maybe Adrian I can't remember, but Dimitri was to busy fighting strigoi and saving Rose to deal with my evil plan to take over the world, so I blame you." I finished.

"And why am I to blame?" she asked.

"Because you're the one who decided we were going to prank call Voldemort, and now he' found out who we were, captured us, taken us to his layer, tried to mentally break us down by leaving us alone in the dark awaiting out ultimate demise, and I'm sitting here instead of enforcing my genius plans to gain world domination!" ending my rant.

"But it was funny." She replied

"Of course it was funny! But now it's you're fault you won't be my second in command when I take over the world." I ended helplessly.

"Then, we'll just have to escape." Jamie said dramatically.

"Oh…. I didn't even think about trying that." I say sarcastically.

"Really" she says.

"No, I've just been walking feeling the walls because I have an infatuation with them." I say dramatically.

"Hey, look" I said before she could reply " it's a trapdoor!"

"Why would they have a trapdoor in a prisoner's cell?" she asked

"Because that way if they were ever captured and put into their own cell then they could escape." I replied like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"I don't think so, but I don't care lets get out of here" Jamie said.

"Fine by me, but when we get back I'm still going to beat you with a marshmallow."

And with that they went through the trap door only to come out into a dark hallway….

"Dun dun dun" I whispered dramatically

"Oh, shut up!" Jamie said

I looked over her shoulder at something. She turned around to where I was looking with a panicked look on her face.

"What? What is it?" she asked when she didn't see anything

""You're paranoid." I replied, on the verge of collapsing I was laughing so hard.

"That's not funny, and if you say I'm paranoid, then what are you?" she asked

"Hey, I'm not paranoid! It's not paranoia if their really out to get you." I stated.

"And who's out to get you that's not out to get me?" she questioned

"My rabid fan fiction reviewers (but that's what makes you guy's special, keep reviewing)" I replied

"Oh, not this again!" he whined

"Come on let's go this way" I said pointing towards the left corridor

"Why that way?" she asked.

"Because that's the way the little voice in my head told me to go, and down there looks like a dead end." I reply.

"Well I think we shouldn't trust that voice in your head, it could be dangerous!" she said seriously.

"You're just jealousy that I have somebody to talk to that isn't you!" I said sticking my tongue out.

"Yeah, jealous is the word I would have chosen." She said

"See, I'm a mind reader." I said in a spooky voice.

"Ohhh… why do I like you again?" she asked

"Because I'm awesome because of all my awesomeness." I say.

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Does to me." I say

"And that's why you're mental!" she sighs

This is not the end…. Wait and see how we escape and what we see along the way!


End file.
